Sunday Night Advice

I've had a busy day today. I have received numerous emails today from some very important people soliciting my political advice. I want to thank them for trusting me enough to seek my opinion. Because I truly care about the readers of the blog here, I wanted to give you some exclusive insight into what the movers and shakers were asking me. Enjoy!

Email #1
to: thenews2k@gmail.com
from: spalin@alaska.closetorussia.gov

Dear Newsy,

I am a little scared about Thursday night's debate because I will be facing the Washington elite media. I wanted to seek your good opinion about what issues I should highlight and to find out what things to avoid.

Thanks,
Sarah


Dear Sarah,

If I were you I would avoid talking about Russian airplanes and spend a little more time highlighting the fact that you look a lot like Tina Fey.

Sincerely,
Newsy

to: thenews2k@gmail.com
from: jbiden@senate.gov

Dear Newsy,

I have prepared an original opening statement for the debate Thursday night and wanted to get your take on it. Here it is. Please tell me your thoughts.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today. And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Sincerely,
Joe

Dear Joe,

Ummm... Joe that is Martin Luther King's I Have A Dream Speech. Taking someone else's work and crediting it as your own is called plaigarism. We have been over this before. Remember 1988?

Sincerely,
Newsy

to: thenews2k@gmail.com
from: khulshof@losingcampaign.com

Dear Newsy,

I am getting worried. We are less than 40 days from the election and I am down over 15 points in every major poll. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Kenny Hulshof

Dear Kenny,

Drop out and name Sarah Steelman as your replacement.

Sincerely,
Newsy